Pollution: The Only Thing We’re Collecting More Than Carbon Emissions is Corporate Excuses

As the planet chokes on pollution, corporations are doing their part—by recycling their best excuses. While CO2 levels continue to rise like a Netflix series with an endless number of seasons, the corporate world is hard at work creating new and inventive ways to avoid taking responsibility for the mess they’ve helped create. Who knew that the fight against climate change would become less about saving the planet and more about perfecting the art of deflection?

You’d think that by now, companies might have run out of excuses, but no—much like the mountains of plastic waste they’re happy to pretend don’t exist, their justifications seem to multiply with each passing year. “It’s not our fault, it’s the consumers!” they cry, as if the average shopper is out there insisting that every single product be individually wrapped in plastic and shipped across the world via fossil-fuel-powered trucks. Or maybe it’s the “lack of regulation,” they argue, as if the environment had a meeting where it agreed to be slightly less polluted until the next round of tax cuts is passed.

And of course, there’s always the classic, “We’re working on it!”—which, in corporate speak, means they’ve signed another one of those feel-good sustainability pledges that sound impressive but are conveniently vague on actual results. Nothing says “we care” like publishing a report on how many trees you’ve planted while quietly increasing the number of single-use plastic straws produced in your factories.

Meanwhile, the carbon emissions continue to rise, and the planet’s ecosystems continue to collapse, but hey, at least we’ve got a nice glossy brochure telling us about the exciting initiatives that might come into play in the next decade or so. The real fight against climate change? Well, let’s just say we’re winning—at blaming someone else. Whether it’s the government’s fault, the consumer’s fault, or even nature’s fault (we wouldn’t be surprised), the bottom line is clear: it’s never their fault.

So while the Earth gasps for air and the ice caps melt faster than the profits of a fossil fuel company, remember: there’s one thing we’re collecting more of than carbon emissions—corporate excuses. And if we’re lucky, they’ll recycle those too.